Dude, where's my mousse?
by 01wing
Summary: Escaflowne and Inuyasha crossover. Van Allen Sesshomaru and Koga are in cooking class making mousse, no wait correction, trying to make moose...Complete
1. Pink hair dye

**A/N I wrote this story in school and the whole thing was finished but i decided that i would make it into story format. so its just a matter of me typing it out, and if you guys like it i have three more stories like this one loosely related to it that I'll put up if i get enough reviews!**

**Dude where's my mousse?**

**Warnings: some viewers may find the following offensive or otherwise not funny at all in general, please reframe from throwing things or flaming at me. The views and opinions stated in this story do not illustrate my personal ideas and beliefs and are only made for comic entertainment**

** > > >**

The birds were singing .The school bell was ringing .And the stoners were running to their cars to escape early for the weekend. But the good students like Koga, Sesshomaru, Allen, and Van were making their way to the cooking class.

Quickly, the group sat down in their chairs and looked at each other with the same idea running through their heads..."Why did Miss.Vanstokes put us at the same table?"

Van, deciding to pipe up and speak the unspoken that all were thinking said "This is dumb, why do we have to make chocolate mousse?"

Allen shrugged his shoulders "I donno. It does seem stupid"

"I" Koga pointed at himself regally "Challenge you Lord of dogs to a contest to see who can write the recipe down the fastest"

"Fine wolf boy!" Sesshomaru screamed. Both brought their pens up and were poised and seconds latter scribbling like mad men on the count of three.

"God those two have so many issues" Van said raising an eyebrow at the two speed writers.

"Can't they get along they are from the same show?" Allen stated

Sesshomaru, despite the fact he was still writing, defended himself without raising his head. "If it was up to me he would have been kicked off a log time ago" He shot back that comment earned a glaring contest between Koga and Sesshomaru.

"What-did-you-say?" Koga asked saying each word slowly and dangerously

"You heard me!"

"You know the producers would never kick me off the show. Without my sexy legs ratings would drop and who would be the heartthrob? Inu-yasha? Don't make me laugh!"

"The show would be better without that half breed…"

"Your one to talk, gibbly!"

Allen and Van exclaimed "What!" at the same time

"Yeah that's right, you!" Koga pointed at Sesshomaru "Have only one arm, you are gibbled.!"

Sesshomaru forgot all his anger management classes that second...With a frightening ARRRRRRRRRG! He lunged across the table and tackled a surprised Koga to the ground.

"Geeez Folken never got this pissed about his arm" Van said. People standing by stared at the two bodies behind them fighting surrounded by a big dust ball.

"That because Folken was more mature...Hey, stop that!" Allen screaming caused Sesshomaru to stop in mid bite above Koga's flailing leg. "We have to get cooking, so you" He pointed at Sesshy "go get the eggs, and you" He pointed at Koga "get the ice"

"Fine" The fighters yelled in unison as the started going separate ways...

"Stupid. The Lord of the western lands doesn't go get eggs, insolent fools" Sesshomaru mumbled the whole way He had a slight smile on his lips as he walked back to the table a plan in mind...

It seemed Sesshomaru's mumbling caught Koga's attention because when he came back with the eggs he rudely asked "What the hell was that?"

"Oh nothing" Sesshomaru said, mumbling under his breath "just thinking of the most painful way possible to kill you"

"Sesshomaru, you really have to speak up. It's rude to mumble. No one can hear what you're saying" Allen said.

"Ever think that's the point Allen?" Van said in a snippy voice

"Oh don't start this again Van." Allen sighed loudly.

"Whatever do you mean Allen?" Van said with a way too innocent look that just screamed he knew exactly what Allen meant.

"You know your bitchy mode. You were in it for a couple of months remember" Allen said

"Shut up! I was under a lot of emotional stress!" Van yelled glaring at Allen

Allen failed to hold back a snicker before he said "Yes I forgot your girlfriend went back to her own world after you realized you loved her" Allen said putting his hands onto his chest above his heart "Oh Van! I love you so much...but I love my own world more. See ya!" Allen said, while doing a horrible job at imitating Hitomi's voice.

"At least my long lost sister wasn't running around as a GUY!" Van said starting to make up his own little voice for the conversation "Oh my am I a guy or a girl?" He looked down "Oh I guess I'm both-"

"You leave Celena out of this!"

"You mean Dil-"

Allen saw red, and it wasn't Van's shirt. After a few minutes of fighting and causing the table to almost tip over and the mirrors almost breaking from Van's high pitch screaming. Sesshomaru and Koga decided to intervene. But before the fight could be stopped van lunged to his backpack and pulled out a bottle of high quality bulk pink hair dye.

"V...v..Van put the hair dye down!"

"Now Allen why would i want to do that? Besides you can't tell me what to do. I'm the king of Fanalia after all..." Van said, smirking .He slowly making his way closer to Allen "Don't worry this won't hurt'

"Get away Van! GET AWAY!" Allen yelled now getting frantic

"I think your hair will look nice pink Allen, and stop running I'm the king I order you to stop or I'll be head you!"

"Oh great, now Allen's started a be heading craze again" Sesshomaru sighed and quickly grabbed the hair dye from Van's hand "Ok Van that's enough" He calmly said and place the hair dye on a higher shelf were the others couldn't reach it.

Van was glaring at Sesshomaru the whole time

"Fine looks like I'm the only one who's going to get any work done around here" Koga said while he got the blender out and slammed the cupboard shut. He didn't realize how much strength he used until he heard a splashing sound and a low growl.

"Ok Sesshomaru, go get the-" His sentence was cut off when he looked at Sesshomaru... more accurately poor Sesshomaru's head.

"The dye fell off the shelf onto my head... DIDNT IT!" Sesshomaru said. His chest rising and falling slightly faster then normal.

Koga looked at the others and after seeing their fearful expression said " yeah…" with a quivering voice

"Thought so..."

The moments of silence were unbearable until Allen had to open his mouth and make things worse

"Ummm, Sesshomaru?"

"WHAT!" He snapped

"Your hair's turning ...pink"

"WHAT! You idiots didn't close the lid!"

"You took it away before we could close it!" Van wined

"SO..." Sesshomaru said trying to control his anger by clenching his hands in a death grip on the counter "How long does this last, it better not be permanent"

"No..." Van said "It'll be gone in eighttotenweeks!"

Sesshomaru yelled "Eight weeks!...EIGHT WEEKS!" He was hyperventilating now and you could hear the slight sound of cracking wood

Koga just had to make Sesshy more pissed "That's eight to ten weeks, so it could last nine or even ten weeks, personally I'm rooting for ten."

Sesshomaru had a dark cloud over his face "Where are the knifes?"

Everyone's eyes went big "Sesshomaru don't do anything you gonna regret..."

> > >

_**That's it for now! first chappie up and theirs still more to come, so stay tooned! Read&Reveiw! **_

**Preview**

**"Koga I'm gonna kill you!" **

**"Dont do it put the knife down..."**

_**Krissy**_

_**Thank you steph for editing this chappie for me!**_


	2. Toe, Hair and blender?

_**Last time**_

_**Everyone's eyes went big "Sesshomaru don't do anything you gonna regret..."**_

**_ > > >_**

"Anything I'll regret!" Sesshomaru screamed and pulled a long knife out of the wooden knife block "Regrets, interesting concept. I wonder if you REGRET dyeing my hair!"

Allen decided to be the peace keeper and spoke up "All right calm down, it wasn't Koga's fault, so just put the knife down." Sesshomaru seemed to think about this for a minute until Koga screamed

"It was Van's fault! He bought the dye in the first place!"

Van found himself pinned in place by a very angry Sesshomaru. He was glaring at Van with his knife menacingly raised and walking towards him . "Oh thanks Koga, I owe you one"

"No problem"

"Prepare to die!" An enraged Sesshomaru screamed as he lunged at Van. He was unsuccessful only because he was stopped by Allen and Koga. They grabbed him and held him back. This caused Sesshomaru's hold on the knife to loosen and the knife to fall barely missing Koga's foot.

Koga was frozen. You would of thought he had stopped breathing until you heard him scream

"YOU ALMOST CUT OFF MY TOE!"

"Now calm down Koga your toe is fine" Van explained trying to calm Koga down but not succeeding a bit.

"YOU DUMASS!" Koga screamed and stared at Sesshomaru for a good ten minutes. He finally decided that inspecting his toe is more important then getting revenge…For now. Koga stomped off and sat at the table, mumbling about how the "Stupid dog almost cut my toe off" And how he was going to pay.

Allen decided that getting Sesshomaru to not kill Van was the main priority so he began trying to talk Sesshomaru down "Sesshomaru promise me you won't try to kill Van"

"I cant promise anything, but I won't hurt him in the next lets say 20 minutes"

Allen sighed "Fine fine, Koga don't try to kill Sesshomaru either!"

"He deserves to die" Koga yelled from the table "He tried to cut off my toe" Koga mumbled to himself.

"I didn't try to cut off your fucking toe!" Sesshomaru screamed getting pissed off at the fact Koga thought he deliberately tried to de-toe him

"YES YOU DID! You wanted to cut my sexy toe off my sexy leg and sell it on ebay!

"Who would buy a toe?" Allen wondered out loud.

"Fan girls" Van replied simply

"One of them wanted to cut my legs off so she could mount them above her fireplace" Koga said, grabbing his legs as if they would disappear any second.

"Wow and I though I had problems with fan girls wanting to cut my hair off" Allen said while busying himself with making the mousse to stop thinking of life without his amazingly smooth silky and over-all gorgeous hair. Allen separated the eggs and put them in the blender. He was just about to start it up when Van said

"Allen you're supposed to tie your hair back!"

"Nothings going to happen to my hair" Allen said in a care free tone. He started the blender and screamed in terror! "AHHHH MY HAIR"

"ALLEN" Koga and Van yelled while they tried to pull Allen's slowly disappearing hair from the blender.

"I told you so." Van yelled

"CAN SOMEONE TURN THIS DAMN THING OFF!AHHH" Allen screamed some more. Sesshomaru decided to help his friend in need out but 'accidentally' turned the blender to max.

"SEEEEESHOMARU! WHAT DID YOU DO!" Allen said, getting more frantic. He was starting to leave nail groves in the table trying to stop the blender from sucking in more hair.

"Nothing what makes you think I did anything?" Sesshomaru said playing with a strand of his silver hair. Van quickly pulled the cord out of the wall and looked at Allen and asked if he was alright...

> > >

_**Preview**_

**_"Your hairs alright Allen its just chewed and mangled beyond recognition that's all"_ **

**So hope you all like! don't worry Allens hair isn't that bad I'm making it sound worse then it actually is...stifles laugh so R&R! and steph my editor added this little bit to the story '_amazingly smooth silky and over-all gorgeous hair'_ like I wouldn't notice ha, she takes me for a fool! **

_**Krissy**_


	3. Leg waxing

**Hello my loyal fans, iv been grounded from the computer for 3 months…..sigh the cruel life I live…..but un benonced to my parents is that I know were they hide the mouse for the computer so…HAHA I can go on when their not home, that's not a lot but its better then nothing. So if I don't update for a while its because I'm trapped in my horrible prison of no computer! I miss you all, please think of me when you play your computer games or read a fanfiction...starts crying, I'm all alone……. **

**> > >**

"MY HAIR, my beautiful hair!" Allen wined stroking his charred and frayed hair.

"Your hair's alright Allen, it's just chewed and mangled beyond recognition that's all" Van said smiling like a cat that had just caught a canary.

Allen's eyes narrowed dramatically and he turned his now silted eyes to the blender sitting on the counter, his mind thinking of horrible things to do to it. Allen was so flustered that he actually started shouting at the blender "Damn you spawn of hell! I'll take you apart piece buy piece and slowly melt the bits of your carcass into molten goop. Then, I will freeze you into a block and throw you off a cliff, watch you smash on the sharp jagged rocks at the bottom, and get eaten buy a passing deer!"

"..."

crickets chirp

Van, Koga, and Sesshomaru stared in shock with their mouths gapping.

"What?"

"Are you feeling alright?" Koga asked trying to be as gentle as possible.

"OF COURSE I'M NOT ALRIGHT!"

Allen was hit with more blank stares. Making a grunting sound, Allen stomped off and sat down at the table petting his hair, whispering soothing words to it "It's ok. I won't let anyone hurt you again. No I won't!"

"Allen you're talking to your hair!" Van exclaimed

Allen stopped petting his hair for a moment and turned his head and said with a straight and serious voice "And your point is?"

Van looked at Sesshomaru for some kind of support but was left hanging when he simply shrugged his shoulders "Umm never mind"

"You did the right thing" Sesshomaru said putting his hand on Allen's shoulder "We don't want to push him over the edge"

"He's already gone, I say move on" Koga butted in.

"I agree with Koga" Van said

"Although Koga's just as crazy. I mean the guy waxes his legs and all" Sesshomaru looked at Koga's legs with a raised eyebrow.

"I DON'T WAX MY LEGS!"

"Now that you mention it his legs are unnaturally smooth" Van mumbled, rubbing his chin.

"See it makes you wonder…"

"I DON'T WAX MY LEGS, they're just unnaturally smooth" Koga screamed crying into his hands "It's not my fault; I can't help it, DAMN IT!"

"…"

"Wow calm down we were only joking" Van said followed buy a nod from Sesshomaru.

"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN! Koga screamed "can't you see your words hurt me!"

"…"

Blank stares once more

Van whispered to Sesshomaru "God Sesshomaru, two out of the four of us have lost it. Better be on your guard."

"Don't worry I'm still sane."

"Yes the pink hair screams I'm still sane" Van said with a snicker

"That was your damn fault!"

"Oh ya… No hard feelings?" Van said slightly worried and backing up slowly

"NO HARD FEELINGS! You dyed my hair pink! Pink of all colours!"

"I…I didn't mean to. You promised not to kill me!" Van said once he was backed into a corner with Sesshomaru looming over him.

"STOP IT! CANT YOU SEE YOUR CONSTANT FIGHTING IS TEARING US APART!" Koga screamed running to the table and flinging his head down on arms, with the sound of muffled sobs.

"Tearing us-"

"apart?' Van finished

"This is getting so weird" Sesshomaru stated

"Come on lets make this damn mousse"

"Looks like were going to be making it by ourselves since Koga and Allen are two busy dealing with their personal problems"

Sesshomaru and Van looked over at Allen talking to his hair and Koga crying into his hands mumbling something about how he doesn't wax his legs.

"Lets get started"

> > >

**This is a note from my editor, she put it on the bottom of my chapter after she edited it…I'll block out the unimportant things and leave you with the important things…..**

**Stephers: Bah Bah Bah, Bah Bah Bah Bah Bah Bah Bah Bah Bah! BahBah, Bah Bah Bah Bah Bah! OMG, I can't believe I missed how u spelt mousse, "moose". heh heh, I guess no one's perfect…..**

**Yes no ones perfect stephers….. you made me look like a idiot, more then normal but none the less a idiot! OH no my fragile self is crumbling.. ahhh I'm melting!...ummm hehe> **


	4. Yelling

Dude where's my mousse

/Meanwhile with the emotional idiots /

"Koga…" 

"Yeah, Allen?"

"You're not really upset about what the others said are you?" Allen asked, sitting down beside Koga.

"No, I'm not. I'm a good actor eh?"

"I knew it!" Allen yelled, pointing his finger at Koga's shocked face.

"Wa-what?" 

"You do wax your legs, don't you?"

"ummmmmm no….." Koga suddenly found the floor extremely interesting. 

"It's true! You hesitated!" Allen was practically waving a banner with excitement.

"OK!" Koga yelled, bowing his head in shame. "Just don't tell anyone." 

Allen nodded his head in agreement gravely. Koga didn't expect what came next "YOU WAX YOUR LEGS!" Allen shouted.

"Stop yelling! I thought that you knew already!"

"I was bluffing. Oh god, the shock of you waxing your legs will never wear off!"

"Allen, do you have to yell!" Koga screamed at Allen.

"I think I do…ha ha, you wax your legs! This is so sweet!" Insert evil grin "I finally have something to blackmail you with!" 

Koga gasped "You wouldn't…"

"I would and I will." Allen started to laugh evilly.

"No you wouldn't!" Koga said, starting to pull something out from behind his back.

"What are you planning?" Allen paused his laughing, studying Koga's face.

"Just a way to make you quiet about my legs!"

"Koga, you can't duck tape me to the furnace anymore. My mom said that you're not allowed to!" Allen squirmed in his seat.

"No, I won't do that. Not as long as I have this!" Koga pulled out a video tape surrounded by a heavenly glow.

"Oh yes, a video tape. I'm so scared." Allen mimicked a frightened voice, mockingly.

"Not the tape itself, idiot. What's on the tape!"

"And what's on the tape?"

"God!…" Koga exclaimed. "Do I have to tell you everything like those cartoon villains that tell you their plans right before the hero saves the day?"

"Um, would yes be the right answer?" Allen asked, playing with a lock of his golden, smooth, angelically perfect hair (besides the fact it was slightly charred).

Koga sighed "This," He waved the tape around. "Is a tape of you answering your door in your underwear!" (AN: Steph starts drooling) 

"What? A video tape? How?" Allen asked, confused.

"That's right! I video taped you answering the door in your purple boxers!" 

"Uhhhhh…" Allen's face went white.

"So Allen, we keep this little waxing thing under raps and you get this precious tape, okay?"

"Fine." Allen grabbed the tape. "How the hell did you get that on tape? Were you stalking me?" Allen asked, clutching the tape to his chest.

"As a matter of fact, I was stalking you."

"Why?" Allen asked, slowly edging away from Koga.

"Payback.!" 

"For?" 

"Oh, how your small brain forgets how you humiliated me!"

"What pissed you off this time?" Allen asked, visibly rolling his eyes. 

"You called the mental institution on me! Do you know how long it took me to convince them I wasn't crazy? A month! A whole month! I had to call Sesshomaru to come and get me out, and he didn't exactly help the situation. He was almost deemed too crazy to walk free. They said he could be a threat to the public!" Koga fumed, giving Sesshomaru shifty glances.

"What exactly did he do? People just don't deem each other crazy." Allen pointed out.

"Some old lady in a wheelchair asked him to open the door for her and I quote from the surveillance tape 'I'm the lord of the western lands! Open your own damn door.' and then he slammed the door on her. The old lady rolled down the hill and into a bush, fell out of her chair, tumbled into a construction zone, and fell into an open man hole…The trial went well. It seems judge Denis was an old of Inu-yasha's family."

"Wow, never thought Sesshoumaru would snap. He always seemed so stable." 

"Yea…" Koga and Allen sat and reminisced for a minute.

"So, do we have a deal with no more blackmailing?" Koga asked, extending his hand.

"Alright." Allen shock Koga's hand "I won't say anything."  
"Same." 

"Oh, look!" Allen clapped his hands like a little girl. "Sesshoumau and Van are done the mousse!"

"Van, don't forget to put some cling wrap on that."

Van grumbled. "Yes master."

"Bitchy mode." Coughed Sesshoumaru

Van mumbled as he was wrapping the mousse. "Stupid cling wrap…Too damn sticky!" Van exclaimed, as he sealed the mousse, not noticing that the cling wrap was stuck to his pant leg until he was laying sprawled on the floor in a cling wrap cocoon.

"Hello! Does anyone care?" Van yelled out.

"Do you hear anyone?" Allen asked, looking around the room.

"Van, what are you doing on the floor?" Koga asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing? HELLO! Help me up!"

"I'd rather not if you ask like that." Allen mumbled.

/Couple minutes later/

"I wonder what we're making tomorrow?" Allen asked. The group was now sitting around the table.

"Cream puffs?" Van asked, free of the cling wrap cocoon.

"Yep." 

/Ring/ 

"Well, that's the bell." Sesshomaru stated. "See ya tomorrow." 

"See ya Pinkie!" Koga chuckled at Sessomaru's pink hair, earning him a glare.

"Smooth legs." Allen grinned at Koga

"Purple boy." Van smirked at Allen's surprised face.

"Van, how did you?…KOGA!" Allen chased after Koga, who had already vanished down the hall.

AN: Their we go I'm finally done! I have a sense of accomplishment now! Thankies to stepher Mic stepherson for betaing for me! Its so appreciated! Cookies for her and all the reviewers!


End file.
